Blue M&Ms – I’m so before your time.

Not only is there still something just SO WRONG about the fact that the poor little tan M&Ms were forced out, but I’m not thinking the future looks bright for yellow or dark brown either.

Take this randomly selected, standard bag of plain M&Ms:
5 red.
5 dark brown.
7 green.
8 yellow.
11 orange.
19 blue.

Nineteen fucking blue ones. There was a time, oh I remember it well, when the packs were 90% “the basics” (tan, dark brown, yellow and orange) with a few rare green ones thrown in. Seriously, only one or two green a pack. The introduction of red didn’t bother me since SUPPOSEDLY the reason red was missing was b/c the previous red dye was carcinogenic. Fine. So you add red. So maybe you would get 3 red and 2 green in a pack. If you were lucky.

But this blue bullshit is just wrong. They don’t even taste the same.

Dark brown M&Ms, you’re a dying breed. I wish you luck.

This girl definitely just wants to have fun.

My top summer CDs right now are 1) Gnarls Barkley, 2) Daniel Powter and 3) Pink.

They are not the deepest most soul searching albums around (Powter seems to be getting slammed in reviews. Hello there is nothing wrong with just being FUN!!!! stupid idiots) but they are making me happy, bouncy and almost unable to keep from at least twitching if not outright dancing.

I can go elsewhere for life lessons; this is SUMMER, yo.

Old dog, old tricks.

Dear Cranky Monkey Butt,
Never buy special limited edition Kitkats for your dad if you are not sending them RIGHT THEN because you know what will happen? YOU WILL EAT THEM YOURSELF. Or at least some of them.
Sincerely,
haven’t we been over this before?
yourself.

Reading Assignments.

Need to buy George Saunders “In Persuasion Nation” and read by June 5 (for me this is forcefeeding short stories. for the rest of you, this is just the right kind of reading for people who ‘don’t have time to read’ so go! read it!) so I can leave Betsy a million comments that week.

Need to buy Yannick Murphy “Here They Come” and read it YESTERDAY as they are already a week into discussing it over at the Lit Blog Co-Op and now I can’t look at the site for fear of learning something I don’t want to know yet but I will so want to know as soon as I’ve read it.

New music for the plane.

The latest albums (with my quickie impressions from one or two listens) from: Snow Patrol (like it but very much just “regular” rock, no innovations from 1st record); Pearl Jam (rocking OUT); Fiona Apple (jazzy); Dixie Chicks (haven’t sampled yet); and Paste Sampler 22 (not yet).

Things About Australia I Need to Write Down Before I Forget.

Me and the SuperEggplant, we’ve got some Australia stories…

  • The dirty dude on the flight to Darwin (GOVE!) and the Rod Stewart music video.
  • $40 movie in Cairns ($14.50 per adult)
  • Roo: Soap on a Rope.
  • Waterskiing practice hole.
  • BEND OVER! (and what about Casey using it in a meeting! ha!)
  • Ex-cop canadians: Teacher and Flic BnBs.
  • David: The Tram Whore: brekkie sandwich; hook turn; Toshiba; okely dokely; Hello Moto.
  • Anzac Biscuits.
  • Gossip rags.
  • Jimmy (bus to Kakadu): the panflute/bible banger combo.
  • Two sock! (Kakadu)
  • Cheezels; Smith’s chips.
  • Good on ya!
  • How ya goin’?
  • Solo! Lift!
  • “ie”: brekkie, tantie, etc.
  • Chinotto SUCKS.
  • Brandy snap cremes @ David Jones.
  • Black currant mentos (comme Ribena).
  • No pennies! “Currency rounding benefit”
  • Iced coffee = ice cream!
  • Ginkos!!! (w/ barefeet!)
  • Lollies
  • Eskies.
  • Pokies.
  • SuperEgg: “You people and your walkabouts!” Bono: “Hey, I’m not a black fella.”
  • Dirty Harry. No, Larry. No, Lazy Harry!
  • Uluru bus driver: Traffic coming down from Darwin today. Oh, there it is.
  • Truck stop “Toasties”
  • Namgachak (check spelling!): The aborigine Yam Hitter
  • Kakadu: king size mosquitos. Tiny boat frog.
  • FLIPPS: burgers & seasoned fries.
  • A dingo ate my baby!
  • Yum cha = dim sum.
  • Blue Heeler (Hila)
  • Bilbys for Easter.
  • Mariko the “Asker”
  • Kirribili
  • Casey-isms! Knocked you for sixes!; How’s your bitch?; I’m down with it, homes.; What up, MN?; I think he’s got a roo loose in his top paddock!
  • Kinokuniya, not just a Japanese bookstore in SYDNEY anyway.
  • Aussie damper
  • Banana…bread/frapps/etc.
  • Flat White. Short/Long Black.
  • Uluru: black flies. pool people. $$$$. Thorny Devil!
  • Cairns: runway humidity. King + Twin. Green Island $12 hot dog.
  • Cat pooh on the CDs!
  • Melbourne: Patchwork on Central.
  • Bathroom spider!
  • The Tram STARER!!!
  • Italian dudes: “mate” discussions.
  • French Bakery on Glenferrie: lemon tart.
  • Fannie Bay Gaol.
  • Melbourne Gaol’s freaky porcelain death masks: brain mapping.
  • Darwin hotel: fire alarms, hot water, hideous mint aperitifs.
  • Bataan death march to Military Museum
  • Lunch at Babka!!!
  • Glider spot: kelpi, Australia sheep dog. Big plate o’ nasty shrimp.
  • Darwin: Feb 19, 1942 bombing. 1972 Cyclone Tracy.
  • the Tet offensive! Tetley!
  • Darwin airport: CMS punes; MF book return and FIGHT!!
  • “Coon” cheese.
  • Little puking boy (handfuls) getting off plane and his horrific father. MF coming to rescue w/ barf bag.

Un nouveau mot.

Sclerotic.
1) of, relating to, or affected with sclerosis.
2) grown rigid or unresponsive with age (~institutions).

Thanks, Salon, j’aime beaucoup apprendre des nouveaux mots.

KEXP at SXSW: Billy Bragg (4/7)

Billy Bragg is a riot. Proudly refers to himself as a “polemical songwriter” and points out “my politics are mostly based on mischief.” Is getting some of his thunder stolen by James Blunt, as he’s no longer the only former soldier: “He was an officer in the Royal Armed Corps; I was [just] a trooper!” Asked if he will ever go into politics: “I just look awful in a suit and tie…I look like a bank robber!” Lots of fun to hear his banter. He’s the Pete Seeger of our time. He and Woody Guthrie, some of whose lyrics he has put to music post Woody’s death.

Major injuries I’ve had…(that I can think of right now).

  • Blow-out fracture of right eye orbit.*
  • Broke right wrist (ALL wrist bones) and arm (ALL lower arm bones) once (in one fell swoop).
  • “Deep bone bruise” to right knee/outside shin bone (i.e. fluid inside the bone. looks super cool on the MRI).**
  • Broke little toe on right foot four times in the same summer (damn chair).
  • Torn muscular tissue on bottom of right foot. Ongoing problem.
  • Boil (staph infection) in lower lip. Hospitalized for a week. Fun, fun.
  • Boil in forehead (staph again). Fun emergency room visit. Lots of blood.
  • Sprained left wrist at least four times.
  • Sprained right wrist at least seven times.
  • Sprained right foot during kickboxing/jumprope class.***
  • Sprained right ankle jumping in tractor tire intertubes. Twice. Yeouch.

Things we have learned from this: A) The right side of my body is clearly problematic; B) Sprains often hurt much much MUCH worse than breaks; and C) Boils are taken far more seriously by doctors than by me.

*This is how I met Billy Baldwin and still have one of his t-shirts – no joke.

**Honestly how is it called a “bruise” when your knee is at least swollen up to four times its size and you lose ability to walk/run/do stairs/etc. for many, many months.

***Bonus = found out I have extra bones known as “accessory navicular” or “auxiliary navicular” bones.