Old dog, old tricks.

Dear Cranky Monkey Butt,
Never buy special limited edition Kitkats for your dad if you are not sending them RIGHT THEN because you know what will happen? YOU WILL EAT THEM YOURSELF. Or at least some of them.
haven’t we been over this before?

I am such a good cousin. And – Boys Suck. As usual.

Here’s an email response I wrote for one of my cousins who has a jackhat sending her the most ridiculous emails on earth. The items in bold = those are where I am quoting him back at him.
Dear [name removed to protect the GUILTY],
When I said “I won’t meet up with you for dinner”, I was being honest to where my feelings were at the time, but not entirely true of my overall feelings about you. I did not mean “I won’t meet up with you for dinner next week”, I meant “I do not want to see you, speak to you, or get emails from you ever again.” By “next week”, I meant “for eternity.” By “I won’t meet up with you,” I meant “I do not want you in my life.” I just thought you should know that–however hurtful it may be. I just have a difficult time understanding when there are what I perceive as conflicting desires. I’m sorry for how I’ve interpreted my feelings.
I hope they are clear to you now.
please do not contact me ever again, stupid moron,
[name removed to protect the INNOCENT].