This Is Just to Say.

unless you’re living under a rock, you’ve probably heard reference to William Carlos Williams’ apology poem (or IS IT. Reread that last stanza).

So let me tell you a funny store (hang on to the end, that’s where the funny is!)

Every year, I use that poem as a template with my students to write their own sorry / not-sorry poems. After we examine the poem’s structure, and some previously written student examples, we usually write one together as a class to get started. My morning class wanted to write to our principal. For reference: Nobel bucks are reward dollars we give out for being respectful, responsible or safe (and students can redeem them for actual items at our school store).

Here’s what we wrote:

“Dear Mr. A.,
This is just to say
We have stolen
the Nobel bucks
that were piled on your desk
which
you were probably
saving
for good kids.
Forgive us,
it was worth
all the toys
that we got.”

NOW HERE’S THE BEST PART: I emailed it to our administrators “Here’s a poem 208 wrote for you” and in the body of the email I wrote “based on William Carlos WIlliams.” Well, our principal didn’t read that part, he just clicked on the image.

Our assistant principal told us that all of a sudden he was scrambling around his desk saying “WAIT A MINUTE WHERE ARE MY NOBEL BUCKS!!!!”

Hahahahahahaha.

Best prank ever especially considering we didn’t even intend to prank. The kids are going to FREAK tomorrow when they hear about his reaction! 😉

It’s the little things, peeps.

Blue M&Ms – I’m so before your time.

Not only is there still something just SO WRONG about the fact that the poor little tan M&Ms were forced out, but I’m not thinking the future looks bright for yellow or dark brown either.

Take this randomly selected, standard bag of plain M&Ms:
5 red.
5 dark brown.
7 green.
8 yellow.
11 orange.
19 blue.

Nineteen fucking blue ones. There was a time, oh I remember it well, when the packs were 90% “the basics” (tan, dark brown, yellow and orange) with a few rare green ones thrown in. Seriously, only one or two green a pack. The introduction of red didn’t bother me since SUPPOSEDLY the reason red was missing was b/c the previous red dye was carcinogenic. Fine. So you add red. So maybe you would get 3 red and 2 green in a pack. If you were lucky.

But this blue bullshit is just wrong. They don’t even taste the same.

Dark brown M&Ms, you’re a dying breed. I wish you luck.

Old dog, old tricks.

Dear Cranky Monkey Butt,
Never buy special limited edition Kitkats for your dad if you are not sending them RIGHT THEN because you know what will happen? YOU WILL EAT THEM YOURSELF. Or at least some of them.
Sincerely,
haven’t we been over this before?
yourself.

I am such a good cousin. And – Boys Suck. As usual.

Here’s an email response I wrote for one of my cousins who has a jackhat sending her the most ridiculous emails on earth. The items in bold = those are where I am quoting him back at him.

Dear [name removed to protect the GUILTY],

When I said “I won’t meet up with you for dinner”, I was being honest to where my feelings were at the time, but not entirely true of my overall feelings about you. I did not mean “I won’t meet up with you for dinner next week”, I meant “I do not want to see you, speak to you, or get emails from you ever again.” By “next week”, I meant “for eternity.” By “I won’t meet up with you,” I meant “I do not want you in my life.” I just thought you should know that–however hurtful it may be. I just have a difficult time understanding when there are what I perceive as conflicting desires. I’m sorry for how I’ve interpreted my feelings.

I hope they are clear to you now.

Sincerely,
please do not contact me ever again, stupid moron,
[name removed to protect the INNOCENT].