Bad, bad girl.

The list of things you should never do includes: walk 45 minutes home in blazing sunshine with no sunscreen on.

But you know what? I’m doin’ it anyway! That’s exactly the kind of daredevil I am.

Hahahahahahaha, sometimes I really crack myself up.

Dear (already grotesque anyway) upper arms: prepare to have a nice Farmer tan for the rest of the summer. Sucks for you!

580-Calorie Breakfast.

McDonald’s Southern Chicken on a Biscuit (like you’ve died and gone to Heaven): 410 calories.

12-oz. can of Mt. Dew: 170 calories.

Yum. Yum. Motherfucking yum.